Feed Your Obsession: Fitness Gear For The Frugal Female

I don't know about other women who are into fitness, but I have discovered an obsession I didn't know I had: Fitness Clothes. Oh my goodness, I honestly don't know if I can have enough tank tops and leggings? When I go shopping for groceries I have to pry myself away from the fitness clothes like a person on a sugar fast does from the bakery section. And as much as I would love to buy all the cute things imaginable, I am an average, middle-American woman on a budget. So, those leggings will have to remain lonely without me.

Although when I do actually need more, I like to make sure I am getting something cheap, but with quality. This pair of requirements does not come easily. They also cannot be see through when bending over and have to stay up when I run.

Old Navy active wear is my absolute favorite! They are thick, long, and don't fall down at all when I go running. I buy them on clearance. They freaking rock.

One of my other favorites can be found here



I love these! They are buttery soft, lightweight, cheap, and not see through. Longevity could be an issue, but they are so cheap it's won't matter. I have had mine for 8 months or more so far and they have held up well. They do fall a little when I run, but not enough to drive me bat-shit crazy like one other pair I have.

Walmart has tank tops in a variety of colors and patterns for only $3.88 on a regular basis. I am addicted to these.

Getting gear to excite you about fitness is a great thing! And it doesn't have to break the bank. It does, however, have to be comfortable and make you feel good about yourself!

It's Not All Good All The Time And That's Okay!

Sometimes life is a bit like barbed wire;
at times smooth and straight,
other times a bit sharp and painful.
Photo by me! 

I believe everyone has their own set of challenges. Mine are no worse or better than another's. But I find often that when people share their stories it helps someone out there feel a little less alone.

I will just be honest, I battle with depression. I have battled it for as long as I can remember. I've been to some pretty dark and unpleasant places. And when I say "battle" that is precisely what I mean. Because sometimes it's a battle to get out of bed, to leave the house. to talk to a human. Sometimes is a battle just to smile. Sometimes the sinking feeling inside is more than a tingle, but rather a whole wide pool you are sinking in. There are times I battle with myself over plans that I have made with a friend to follow through. I want to do things, but for whatever reason, when it comes right to it I get super anxious and a strong urge to just crawl under a rock and hide.

There are some pretty dark places we find ourselves in when in the throws of a deppressive state. It's really hard sometimes. And one of the pieces I find to be most challenging is recognizing that it's "normal" to not always be happy. Even "normal" people have days of meh. What's important and vital is identifying the set of tools you use to pull yourself out of the meh before you slip deep down into the darkness again. One of the tools that benefit me the most is exercise. Yoga and running are particularly cathartic for me.

Whenever I settle down on my mat, I set a purpose for my practice. I have a focus for a mindset I need to strengthen. Lately, I've been feeling a bit melancholy and introverted. I have had little to no desire to leave the house. I feel like I should want to but the thought of it makes my whole chest tense up with anxiety. I feel like I have no reason to feel so meh and I need to get myself out of this funk. But, what I really desire is some time alone in my thoughts. Some spiritual silence. I need to connect with myself. And there is no better place to do that than on my mat.

Today's yoga practice focused on understanding that spirituality (that being the quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things) doesn't mean that you have to be happy all the time, it simply asks you to be with what is. Being grateful; and positive in every moment is not realistic. Spirituality (in whatever form you practice this in) is about being with what is - being awake. Allowing the moments to unfold before you and to hopefully respond with strength, grace, curiosity, and compassion. That means sometimes we will not be happy and that is normal. I think this is especially hard to deal with when you battle depression. It's hard to know when you're just having a normal meh day or if something is tripping your trigger so to speak. Whenever I feel that sinking feeling I always try to figure out why. Am I over scheduling myself, am I doing more than I need to be, am I getting too distracted from life and not being mindful/present, have I spent enough quality time with people I love, am I caring for myself?

This way of thinking and being can apply to parenthood as well, particularly SAHPs (stay-at-home-parents) because we often criticize ourselves for our feelings of loneliness or our need to be selfish every now and then. There is the unrealistic expectation (whether real or perceived) that because we are so lucky to be able to stay at home raising our children that we should always be full of joy and gratefulness. But that is not real. Parenting is hard! Anyone doing it knows this truth. And if anyone ever makes you feel like you aren't allowed to have a full spectrum of emotion because you are a SAHP or even a working parent then they need a good thump in the forehead. That just isn't real. Real is recognizing that you are human, an imperfect, beautiful human who has lots of different emotions. Sometimes individuals have a harder time coping with these emotions than others, but that doesn't make us any less worthy of joy and profound love. It doesn't make us jerks.

Depression is sneaky. It can creep up like a cloud and turn into darkened skies full of despair. A person who battles depression has to be vigilant always lest we slip and tumble to a place we don't want to visit. Feeling meh can be a recipe for disaster if you don't have a way to let the light in. But it's okay to feel a little down every now and then, or be a little grumpy. The trick is what you do with those feelings. Do you allow them to consume you or do you face them and thump them in the forehead?

Don't beat yourself up for not being joyful every moment of every day and don't allow someone else to beat you up about it either. And while you are accepting these feelings, it's also important to have a set of tools to help you get through it. That doesn't necessarily mean that your tool will instantly make you happy again. It doesn't always work that way, although sometimes it does. Exercise does that for me most of the time, but not always. The important thing is that you recognize that it is okay to not always be in the best mood, but also not to allow it to bring you down further than is necessary. Take care of yourself and love yourself. Be compassionate. Do what needs doing and carve out a little time to do something you need to carry on in life. Love yourself.

Namaste

Guest Writer - My Son

A friend of mine who also writes a blog recently posted an adorable entry her daughter did completely independently. I loved the idea of having the toddler do their own blog post so much that I decided I was going to try it out too. Except I am going to translate what he says instead of just letting him smash on the keyboard.

Here is his very first blog post (interview style):

M: So, if you were to write a blog about something what would you want to talk about?
E: I want to play ABC Mouse.

(plays ABC mouse for a few minutes)

M: What is something that makes you feel happy and good about yourself?
E: I don't know. Mommy, I'm so hungry!

M: Do you like working out with mommy?
E: No.

M: Why not?
E: Because I think it's bad. 

M: What's bad about it?
E: I don't know. Did you hear the marbles go blah blah blah?!

M: Do you have anything else you would like to share?
E: I don't wanna.

And that is pretty much how our conversations tend to go. Some of the time he actually does have some form of exchange that stays more on topic. Not today! haha Gotta love him!

Attend To Your Derailing Switches

Recently, I pulled through a local coffee stop to indulge in a delicious smoothie filled with chia seeds, protein, and an energy boost (whatever that is...). As I waited in line I noticed this sign. The decor design of the place is themed on trains. (Super cute really. I love this place.) So this sign in its basic state of interpretation is meant to refer to trains (A derail or derailer is a device used to prevent fouling of a rail track (by anything being present on the track, such as a person, a train or a fallen branch) by unauthorized movements of trains or unattended rolling stock.).

My interpretation of the phrase went a bit deeper. It made me think of things that derail me from my fitness, my attention, my focus, and my kinder inner voice. I know we all have them. Everyone has that something the throws them off track. There are cookies, of course. Or on a more personal level maybe there's a person in your life that sweeps in and creates havoc then disappears again. Perhaps your self-doubt is strong and your lack of confidence is stifling. Maybe you let yourself get derailed because you don't value yourself enough. Maybe pizza is just too fucking good.

I tend to get derailed when I neglect my self-care. Even if I do it for the right reasons feeling like I'm listening to my body and it needs a break. Or if I'm sick. I went 3 days without yoga a few weeks ago because I was feeling under the weather and worried that I'd get a full blown cold. SO I took it easy thinking that would help prevent me from getting sick. It didn't, but those 3 days were hard on me! I started losing my motivation. I felt more meloncholy. I was tired. I was grumpy. I wasn't focused. When I started hearing that negative inner voice again I knew it was time to do something about it. I had been derailed and now it was time to woman up and get myself back on track.

Sometimes it's things that other people say that send me flying. The first time I attended a new fitness center class there was a woman there who said something to me that still sort of rings in my head. I was talking about how I was really excited to do my first 5k and color run. She responded saying, "Oh, just a 5k. I just got done doing a 10k." Old me would have allowed that comment to sink in like a burr. It would have angered and irritated me, possibly spreading an infection throughout my inner mind. When those words came out of her mouth I felt a slight tingle inside. It was that old me wanting to get out. But I stifled her. And I responded to this woman with playful sarcasm and said, "Oh just a 5k? I'm pretty proud of getting that far. Good for you on the 10k! That must have been a real challenge. Maybe someday I'll get to that." I laughed kindly and just sort of brushed it off. I could tell she felt like a jackass for sticking her foot in her mouth. That was sufficient enough for me. I didn't need to make her feel worse, nor did I need to let it poison my mind. I didn't know this woman and she didn't know me. I can assume she didn't mean what she said in a hurtful way. And even if she did, it doesn't matter. Because she doesn't know me well enough to judge me and the people that do know me well enough to judge me, won't. I'm proud of where I am in my journey. Even the beginning is a worthy place to be. Because that means you have finally realized that you are important enough to love and care for.

With regard to less mental derailment and more healthy eating derailment. Those are pretty easy to count off. Holidays are the worst. I tend to indulge way WAY more than I should. Or anytime I bake. My son loves to help in the kitchen and loves baking. So naturally, he always wants to make cookies. The only problem is that mommy loves cookies and lacks the self-control required to stay away from them! haha But seriously, right now just thinking about it makes me want to go make some and then eat them all. Yes, all of them. Even though I know the suffering it will cause. The bloating. The sugar hangover the next morning. I would eat them all anyway.

The bottom line is that whatever your reason, whatever it is you feel derailed from, give it some attention. Address it. Find some way to help set you back on the tracks. Maybe a good talk with a friend. Perhaps a date night with the significant other. Take a hot bath and drink something with alcohol.  Maybe just drop your devices, get on the floor, and play with your kids. Be present. Do something nice for yourself. Sometimes it's hard to give ourselves enough attention to get back on track before the derailment becomes a lingering challenge. The sooner you face it, the easier it is to deal with.

What derails you? Feel free to share in the comments.

Namaste

10 Reasons I am #RockingMotherhood

I was challenged to do the #RockingMotherhood Challenge by my dear friend and blogger, Alicia Knust at Adventures With My Littles. (Thanks friend!)

The purpose of this challenge is to bring focus to at least 10 things I believe make me a good mother. I really believe that moms deserve credit for all the things they do. Raising humans is not easy. Sometimes it can really break you down. I think as mothers we don't' hear it enough what we're doing right from other people. But more so, I think we forget to be kind to ourselves too.

I don't know any fellow bloggers to tag, but if you are reading this, I challenge you to make a list for yourself. And while you're at it make another list of your own positive attributes. Because we are more than just mothers and it's important that we recognize our value as humans too. #fallinlovewithyourself

So, here we go. 

My 10 #RockingMotherhood Things:

1. I'm still a bit of a child myself. I laugh about poop and farts. I like to splash in puddles and crack thin ice under my boots. I love to laugh, make up games, and be silly. This works out really well when you have a little one. We have a lot of fun together.

2. I am willing to walk slowly. My son is a slow moving sloth when it comes to going anywhere. He loves to just look and touch everything around us. He reminds me to stop and observe the world. To really see it. It's so beautiful.

3. I choose my battles. Sometimes you just gotta let some shit go. It's just not worth it. And my parenting is not about control. It's about learning to be a better person while helping my son learn to be a good person.

4. I take fitness and healthy eating very seriously. I want very much for my son to understand the value of good health and fitness. I learned late in life and have to wonder where I might be if I hadn't come in so late in the game.

5. I use words and phrases that I want to become my son's inner voice. I cheer him on, always reminding him that if he keeps trying he can do it. And if he can't, that's okay too. Sometimes we can't do things, but with enough practice and time, we can improve. I say to him, "You are a good person. You are kind. You are compassionate. You are thoughtful. You are a hard worker. You are a good helper. You make my heart so happy." And these are the things I hear him saying to others when they struggle. He's always encouraging. It's hard to say no to him when he's already said, "You can do it Mom, don't worry." I set him up to live up to a belief I already have of him and he does the same for others.

6. I am honest and respectful to my son. When you have a strong willed child you cannot just tell them what to do. You will be in for a world of hurt. The power struggle will be endless. I often have to explain why I expect him to do a certain thing and once he understands the "why" he is much more accepting of the situations expectations. He's a pretty well-behaved kid. I was really proud of him the other day when I attended a fitness class with him in tow. There was child care there, but he's never been dropped off with a stranger before, so naturally he was not comfortable with it. So he hovered beside me while I worked out quietly trying to get me to go in the room with him and making mean muggin faces, but he didn't throw a huge fit. At one point he even wanted to join in the weight lifting portion. But I was so proud of him for being so brave and not throwing a fit when mommy wanted to do something different.

7. I show him a lot of affection and if I am busy and he wants a nuggle, he gets a nuggle. I am hyper aware of the fleeting time I have with my son as he is little and loving and oh so snuggly. So I eat up these moments. I show him physical affection as well as verbal. I never ever want him to doubt whether I love him or how much.

8. I let him learn through experience. If it's safe and he's not going to harm himself in a major way, then often I will just let it happen. He can't learn if I am always there to catch him or rescue him. That's not real life. Sometimes he's going to have to get back up on his own and I want him to be able to do that.

9. I show him how important it is to be helpful and kind to others. I don't want my son growing up to be an asshole. I want him to be the kind of guy that will help an old lady reach something on a high shelf. I want him to be the kind of guy who really sees people and shows them their value in gestures of kindness. I want him to have compassion and empathy.

10. I teach him everyday about all kinds of things from gardening to letter sound. Granted, my teaching is unstructured, but he is always learning. He's a very curious little guy and I love it!

I Don't Take A Lot of Pictures of My Son and Here's Why

According to statistics from a 2015 Trends Report, the average adult spends 2.8 hours a day on their mobile device.That's almost 3 hours a day spent not really being present. And that's only average! I'm sure I use my phone about that much or more. But when I am engaging with my son, I put it down. When he wants to play, we play and I am present.


When I first started practicing yoga I began to understand what it meant to be truly mindful and in the present. And as I worked mindfulness into my life I noticed that there was a significant decrease in the number of photos I've taken, particularly of my family.

You'd think that taking photos of your present moments would be inherently mindful, but in fact, there does feel like a disconnect when I am viewing my life through a lens. Of course, it's not always this way. Often I photograph things that move me or intrigue me. But when it comes to human interactions I tend to feel like I'm putting up a window. I can see what's going on, but I'm not really in it. There's a wall.

Upon further ponderance, it occurred to me that in the past, I often used my camera as a barrier or a way to escape a situation that I, for whatever reason, don't want to be in. I used it to escape reality. To distract me from my own negative, self-conscious panic and avoid any real connection with people. I disliked myself so much that I was convinced that no one else would like me much either.

I was very self-conscious for a long time in my life. And as I have become more comfortable and really connected and be absolutely present. I don't want to look back on my life and feel like I stayed inside this safe bubble and missed out on really connecting with people.
secure with who I am I've put down the camera when I'm in a situation where I am interacting with people I care about. Because I want to be really there.

As I have learned to be more mindful of internal and external stimuli I tend to take less pictures of my son. There are times I wish I wouldn't have missed the opportunity to save some moment in time, but I try to pack it away in my heart hoping I won't forget. He is growing up so fast. I know that all the things I savor are fleeting at every stage. And I want to be in them; like really in them. I don't want to be distracted by trying to take his picture. And in the spirit of honesty, I'll admit that about 50% of the reason here too is that he wants to be naked all the time. And I would feel weird posting nude photos of my son for anyone to see. However, the fact that I want to be paying real attention to my son is the bigger reason.

If you find yourself stuck behind a screen so much that you feel disconnected from the things that make your heart joyful, perhaps it's time to evaluate that. Life is so short. No one wants to be at the end and wish they would have done something different. If this is something that nags at you, address it. Put the device down, breathe, and see.

Before I Became a Parent I Had All Sorts of Opinions on the Matter *cue laughter*

Recently I posted a Facebook status just for funsies about what we all know to be true as parents. We all said "I would never..." about multiple things before we were in the reality of parenthood. I had to laugh at myself the other day because I remembered how adamant I was about not allowing my child more than the research-based recommendation of screen time (2 hours tops per day). Now, I do have to clarify (for my own sake) that I do try to stick to this 2 hours or less. Before I was a parent I said I would never use the TV to occupy my child so I could get something done. Well, ha ha ha I do that now.

So this got me thinking about what else I might have been delusional about. Let's make a list! I like lists.

1. My child will never act like that in public. Oh man, this one is the best. I think every single non-parent thinks this. And no one ever really gets it until they become a parent of a toddler. No matter how good of a parent you are, you child will absolutely positively act like that in public at least once, sometimes more. If you are lucky, it won't happen often. My son has not had a major tantrum in public since the first drop-down-screaming-practically-drag-him-out-of-the-store we had where he learned that mommy is as stubborn as he is and he just isn't going to win. We still have minor emotional outbursts, but nothing to the degree that it was the first time he was testing it out.

2. I'll never let my child have their own electronic device. Um, yeah...you're only punishing yourself here. Besides, we live in an electronic age. You wouldn't want your child to be behind the times would you?

3. I'll never sing out loud and/or in public just to annoy my child. (because my mom used to do that and it was so mortifying!) Mine doesn't get embarrassed about it yet, but he does tell me to stop singing. So naturally, I sing louder and more dramatically. He's kind of cute when he's mad sometimes.

4. I'll never feed my child things like hot dogs and he will eat what he is given or go hungry. Yeah, nothing like a tired, starving toddler to deal with in the evening while trying to wind down and get ready for sleep. I might be weak...yeah probably that's the case. But this is not a battle I am willing to fight. I won't win. My son once went 2 hours fighting me about taking one little bite of pudding. Pudding! He picked it out and then decided he didn't want to eat it. I wasn't going to let him just waste it and get something else. 2 hours! Eventually, it was time for bed so he kind of won that one by default. And he will go hungry. He'll be a complete mess and be hungry and still refuse to eat something that he didn't pick or that isn't on his "list of foods I'll eat this week". My kid is nothing if not persistent. And honestly, this is a characteristic that can be channeled for good so I try not to snuff it out. I work with it. We choose our battles.

5. I'll make sure we have a fully structured day, complete with "school time". I'm terrible about this. I teach him, yes, but it's all as we go along. Sometimes we sit down and do a learning activity and that last for about 3 minutes. I had every intention of working hard to make my son an academic child, but that has changed. He's still pretty good. He knows all his letters and he can count to 20 without help. He learns things quickly. But here's my thing, he's a kid. He only gets to be a kid once, and that time as a fully innocent and unencumbered youth is so fleeting. I would rather he spend this time exploring his creativity, learning how to be a good human, doing things that bring him happiness. And I want to join him in this. I want to give him what I didn't have...a peaceful childhood. He doesn't have to worry about whether his father will come home that day in a terrible mood and yell at him. He doesn't have to worry about being neglected or left alone for hours. He doesn't have to fight with siblings for toys or attention. He is blessed. I want him to be able to enjoy this little time he has to just be free to explore things he's passionate about and feel utterly loved. Also, I am only a semi-structured person. I used to be much more controlling, but have become much more flexible as I age. Life is too short to live it in a rigid schedule. I would miss out of so many special moments if I stuck to a rigid lifestyle.

I'm sure there are more and will be more to come. The fact is that, much like life, raising a child can't be planned. They have their own personality and ideas about life. Sometimes that doesn't fit in with our "plans". My son is not a fan of the arts. He doesn't really like to watch movies or theatre. He doesn't enjoy coloring, drawing, or painting for very long. He does love photography and he loves building and creating. He likes to make up his own games and be creative in a hands-on sort of way.

Every parent has a list. And quite frankly, that's ok! That means you, as a parent, are flexible and you embrace challenges to your "plans". And that, my friend, is very important when raising a child. We can't put them in the box we idealized for them. In fact, as parents, we shouldn't even put ourselves in a box. We are all unique and that means your approach to parents is going to be different from other people and probably different for each of your children in small ways. So don't be ashamed that you have violated your before-I-became-a-parent ideas. Be proud. Because that means you care enough about your child to meet them where they are and that you have accepted the reality that parenting is crazy hard sometimes no matter how good you are at it.

You all rock! Keep doing what you're doing and love those little ones with all your might!

A Day Without A Woman

Today is National Women's Day and also the International Day Without A Woman. It's a protest of sorts to shed light on how important women are in society and point out that we get very little recognitions for our role in it. So today we don't participate in society. We don't work. We don't do whatever it is we do to keep our world afloat around us. Why? Well, I honestly believe every woman involved in this has their own blend of reasons. For some, it's marginalization, discrimination, sexism, or general lack of appreciation. For some, it's to shed light on how tolerant our society is of sexual assault and harassment towards women. So whatever your reason, if you are participating in any way, you rock. Keep being #nasty.

I think it is unclear how this movement began. There are many reasons. And honestly, it's been an ongoing movement for years and years. But recently, many of us are disillusioned. We thought we understood the world, our nation, our values. We had a greater respect for our fellow humans because we thought we had come so far. We have, but as it turns out, not quite as far as we thought and definitely not far enough.

For me, this attitude of expecting to be respected as a human and not dismissed because I am a woman started at a very young age. I was often told I couldn't do certain things because I'm a girl. And sometimes I even fell for these lies. Sometimes I believed them. But they aren't true. My value does not decline simply because I am a woman. I am a human of value. I deserve respect for my mind and my body. I deserve to have the same chance at success as any other person who works hard and I deserve to be compensated for it based on merit, not sex. I deserve respect because I do a lot of little things all the time that creates a ripple effect for goodness in the world. I deserve birth control and maternity care to be covered by my insurance. I deserve to choose what to do with my own body.

The beginning of my following this movement more passionately than before started when a presidential candidate who treats women like they are dirt and thinks he has a right to invade their untouchables became a probable candidate to lead our nation. Aside from the numerous other faults this man has, he was still voted in by people I know. Those people saw his treatment of women as something that could be ignored. It was a lesser evil for them. And that's the part that gets me. Yes, I was a Hillary fan, I'll admit. But for me, it wasn't about her winning. It was about a man who won who also exhibits several distasteful behaviors and attitudes about people other than himself. He's grotesque. He's spiteful and hateful. Why on earth would my fellow Americans want this kind of person to represent and lead our nation? I'm fairly certain I will be pondering on that question for a long time. It's hard to wrap my head around.

I follow this movement and am a humble part of it for many reasons. Some mentioned here. Today I choose how I was to engage in the world. That's a right I am lucky to have. I am a SAHM who can sit on my ass all day if I really wanted to. Today I do what I want to do. I might fold that pile of laundry today, or I might not. I did some dishes because I cannot handle a dirty kitchen. I am going to be a mom and get as many nuggles as I can.

It's supposed to be a day without a woman, but let's be honest here. Mom's can't really take the day off. My son, and probably my husband, might possibly starve to death. I would be punished with a psycho-wound-up todller at the end of the day. My house would continue to be a complete disaster (oh ok it's like that pretty much every day...) But you know what I mean if you're a parent. You don't take time off. Even if you are in some way "taking a break" from your kid, I'm betting your thinking about their safety or some small necessity right now that they might now be getting because you're not there. You don't even stop being a mom. So, yes my son's experience of a #DayWithoutAWoman is no different than every other day. I am always going to be here for him if I can be. That's a luxury I have and I am grateful for it. Certainly, there are times that I feel unappreciated. I do a lot to keep our lives running smoothly and often don't hear much of a "thank you". But often times I find myself doing these mom things because I like it.

I am at least wearing red today. I might not get that laundry folded though. We'll see.

I'm A Mom Content With Just One Child

This year I have exchanged daytime naps for nighttime sleep induced by mommy singing. I think it's a decent trade-off really. At first, I hated losing naps. But I have come to learn that most of the time it's more convenient. It has freed up our daily schedule quite a bit and permits me to do other things, like work for the family business a little bit.

I think the thing I love the most is how tired my sweet boy is at the end of the day. Now, I know that seems crazy, because when he's tired he can be a bit...emotional. However, with him being so tired, he's ready for bed when it's time and eager to fall asleep to mommy's singing. 

I would say most nights after he falls asleep, I lay there for just a little longer. I hold him, smell his head (yes for some reason I just love his smell!), kiss his cheeks. I do this because I know that moments like this will fade. Someday he won't need me to sing him to sleep. Someday he won't even want me in his bedroom. So, for this time I embrace it with all I can. I try to remember the feeling of his tiny body sighing with exhaustion as he slowly drifts into dreamland. I take a long moment to pause and soak it all up. He is my only child and I love it.

There are so many of these moments that I am thankful to be able to be really in. Thus is the luxury of only having one child. I get to really attend to him and every moment. And just to be clear, I am in no way saying that parents with more than one child cannot be attentive. It is probably more challenging, but I have no way of making that call as I am not a mother of more than one child. That said, I can only imagine based on my own observations of people with more than one child that it would not be for me. I have a hard enough time being mindful and in the moment. If I had to attend to more than one child I might lose my sanity completely. 

For as long as I can remember I wanted to have two kids. I thought this was the perfect number. One for each parent. But then getting pregnant seemed to be harder than I expected and I didn't have my first child until I was 30. And the pregnancy was pretty fine. I did have GD and gained a ton of weight. I had a hard time sleeping and the birth did not go even remotely as I envisioned it. But in the end, we got a wonderful little guy. And I have been loving him as much as possible since then. 

For a little while, I had some serious baby fever. But when I did the pros and cons list, I just knew in my heart that it wasn't going to happen. My husband wasn't ready, I was not mentally ready for the stress of another infant, I love sleep, I didn't want to get huge again, the risk of GD is high as well as getting Type II diabetes, I'd have to go through another C-section...the list goes on and on. And when I really thought about why I wanted another kid...I truly could not answer that question. It was just an instinct. It was just a feeling. It was not practical. And my son reminds me every day that he is enough. He is enough for me to have in my heart and my life. (Not implying that for others wanting more means you aren't satisfied. This is just my journey and my opinion.) For me, he is enough. He is exactly the child I always dreamed I would have. I don't want to have to split my attention with another child. I like being able to give him all of me when we are together. I like being able to be really there for him. 

I am often asked when I will have another child. Sometimes harassed even. And my answer now is "No. No, I do not plan to have another child." I have let that instinctual desire float away like a bubble in the wind. It was hard to let that float away, I'll admit. But I think for us, our little family, this is what is right. This is our family and it works just the way it is. We are all happy. We all have what we need in this. It's good. We're good. 

When It Comes To Meeting New Mom Friends You've Just Gotta Be Chill

When I was pregnant I had visions of what it would be like to be a mom, not only as a mom to my child but also entering a new social group. The mom club! I envisioned lots of great mom friends where all our kids are good buddies and we are always there for each other to relate or relax. I envisioned walks with strollers and long chats. I envisioned girl's nights out with just a sprinkle of rowdy and deep conversation. But that is most certainly not the reality I discovered.

We moved back to our home state when my son was about 1. Returning to our college town did not automatically come with built-in friendships. Most of my college friends had moved to other areas of the country and other phases of life. I had one that remained, but our values had drifted pretty far from where they were when we knew each other "back in the day" so our pseudo-friendship quickly faded into no friendship at all.

Luckily, I had the idea to create a group on Facebook for local stay-at-home parents. A place to share events and meet new people when possible. I've tried to do a few meetups within this group but typically very few show up so I've kind of slacked on setting those up. Just doesn't seem worth my time and the stress of it if only two people are going to show. But I did find my very first mom friend through the group. She has pretty much remained my only real mom friend in town. Like more than just the occasional bump-in and small talk. We've actually gone out on sans-kid mom dates!! I adore her. She's so different than me in a lot of ways, but seems to embrace our differences without question. She's one of the kindest people I know. Her heart is so good and loving. She is a fantastic mom to an adorable little firecracker girl. I admire her faith even though I am not a religious person. And I love to be with her whenever I am able. She's pretty great. I feel like I got pretty lucky with her.

As I had continued this SAHM thing I did make attempts to befriend other moms that I frequently bumped into. But they weren't having it. If you have never heard of "mean moms" or "mom cliques" they are real and super yucky. It's like a time travel to junior high. And for a time, I was upset about this. Why would they not even be nice enough to say hello to me? I'm a pretty okay gal, I think. Then I realized that it's not me, it's them. They are whatever they are. I don't know them enough to even accurately psycho-analyze them and their lack of basic social friendliness. And quite frankly, I don't care. They seem unpleasant and unhappy. Why would I even want to be their friend? So I let that shit go and embraced the blessings I already had.

I also decided to let it be; not trying so hard to find a buddy. If I am meant to find new friends along the way then it will happen. I just have to chill and let life do its thing. Enjoy it and be open to new people.

I'll admit, that is a hard thing to just be chill with. Motherhood, especially when you are a SAHM can be quite lonely. I am a semi-social person (meaning I love being a homebody but also love a little girl time now and then, but there is a line where I become more reclusive if I've had too much social time). I need human connection though. I mean, yes, my 3-year-old son is a human, but I mean like grown-up female humans. So, naturally, there are times that I find myself longing for that one really special mom-friend. The one that probably only exists in my dreams. The one that I can have deep, meaningful, philosophical conversation with, but who will also be totally cool wrapping things up early so we can sleep. The one who might have a glass of wine with me in the middle of the day, during a play date, just because it's probably the only time we will get to see each other and sometimes it's nice to just chill and have a drink. The one who will come into my home and never judge the mess, never judge me, and just be there. The one who will be there for me emotionally if something goes wrong in life (and visa versa). A friendship beyond conversations about our children or the weather.

And I haven't quite found that yet. But thankfully, I have various versions of that. I am so grateful for them, and I love each of them dearly. So far I can count two: A really awesome local mom-bestie who rocks and a long-standing forever-friend, but we don't get to see each other often because we live pretty far apart and she has 4 kids. I am certainly open to new connections.

That leads me to my advice on how to meet new mom friends. To me, it's pretty simple. Go places and just be real. I find that too many moms feel like they have to put on this fancy front. Like they have to appear perfect or some bullshit, but we all know we're all a hot mess in one way or another. That's just the human condition, and being a parent just makes it that much crazier. And starting any new relationship, even a mom-friend relationship, can be as stressful as you make it out to be. I used to be a pleaser so I would often do things that I didn't really want to do because I wanted people to like me. But that is a tangled web to weave and sets up expectations that later on I may have to explain aren't really me. It's better to just be up front from the very start about what you should expect when you become my friend.

So, I don't pretend. I am just me. The version of me you bump into at the children's museum is pretty much the same one you'll get when/if we have a play date at my house or a cafe. I don't play games. I don't pretend. Life is too short for games. If you don't like me as I am, then that is perfectly cool with me. I'm not perfect and neither are you and we don't have to be friends if that's what you're expectations are. But I am not going to put on a show or pretend like I'm something greater than I really am. Nope. I'm a hot mess and that's just life. Take it or leave it. And if we connect, then that is awesome! Lucky us! Let's have some Chai, a play date or three, get to know one another. Because when you have the opportunity to connect with another human on a real level as a SAHM it's truly a blessing.

So get out there. Be chill. Be you. And I promise you, you'll find someone.