Before I Became a Parent I Had All Sorts of Opinions on the Matter *cue laughter*

Recently I posted a Facebook status just for funsies about what we all know to be true as parents. We all said "I would never..." about multiple things before we were in the reality of parenthood. I had to laugh at myself the other day because I remembered how adamant I was about not allowing my child more than the research-based recommendation of screen time (2 hours tops per day). Now, I do have to clarify (for my own sake) that I do try to stick to this 2 hours or less. Before I was a parent I said I would never use the TV to occupy my child so I could get something done. Well, ha ha ha I do that now.

So this got me thinking about what else I might have been delusional about. Let's make a list! I like lists.

1. My child will never act like that in public. Oh man, this one is the best. I think every single non-parent thinks this. And no one ever really gets it until they become a parent of a toddler. No matter how good of a parent you are, you child will absolutely positively act like that in public at least once, sometimes more. If you are lucky, it won't happen often. My son has not had a major tantrum in public since the first drop-down-screaming-practically-drag-him-out-of-the-store we had where he learned that mommy is as stubborn as he is and he just isn't going to win. We still have minor emotional outbursts, but nothing to the degree that it was the first time he was testing it out.

2. I'll never let my child have their own electronic device. Um, yeah...you're only punishing yourself here. Besides, we live in an electronic age. You wouldn't want your child to be behind the times would you?

3. I'll never sing out loud and/or in public just to annoy my child. (because my mom used to do that and it was so mortifying!) Mine doesn't get embarrassed about it yet, but he does tell me to stop singing. So naturally, I sing louder and more dramatically. He's kind of cute when he's mad sometimes.

4. I'll never feed my child things like hot dogs and he will eat what he is given or go hungry. Yeah, nothing like a tired, starving toddler to deal with in the evening while trying to wind down and get ready for sleep. I might be weak...yeah probably that's the case. But this is not a battle I am willing to fight. I won't win. My son once went 2 hours fighting me about taking one little bite of pudding. Pudding! He picked it out and then decided he didn't want to eat it. I wasn't going to let him just waste it and get something else. 2 hours! Eventually, it was time for bed so he kind of won that one by default. And he will go hungry. He'll be a complete mess and be hungry and still refuse to eat something that he didn't pick or that isn't on his "list of foods I'll eat this week". My kid is nothing if not persistent. And honestly, this is a characteristic that can be channeled for good so I try not to snuff it out. I work with it. We choose our battles.

5. I'll make sure we have a fully structured day, complete with "school time". I'm terrible about this. I teach him, yes, but it's all as we go along. Sometimes we sit down and do a learning activity and that last for about 3 minutes. I had every intention of working hard to make my son an academic child, but that has changed. He's still pretty good. He knows all his letters and he can count to 20 without help. He learns things quickly. But here's my thing, he's a kid. He only gets to be a kid once, and that time as a fully innocent and unencumbered youth is so fleeting. I would rather he spend this time exploring his creativity, learning how to be a good human, doing things that bring him happiness. And I want to join him in this. I want to give him what I didn't have...a peaceful childhood. He doesn't have to worry about whether his father will come home that day in a terrible mood and yell at him. He doesn't have to worry about being neglected or left alone for hours. He doesn't have to fight with siblings for toys or attention. He is blessed. I want him to be able to enjoy this little time he has to just be free to explore things he's passionate about and feel utterly loved. Also, I am only a semi-structured person. I used to be much more controlling, but have become much more flexible as I age. Life is too short to live it in a rigid schedule. I would miss out of so many special moments if I stuck to a rigid lifestyle.

I'm sure there are more and will be more to come. The fact is that, much like life, raising a child can't be planned. They have their own personality and ideas about life. Sometimes that doesn't fit in with our "plans". My son is not a fan of the arts. He doesn't really like to watch movies or theatre. He doesn't enjoy coloring, drawing, or painting for very long. He does love photography and he loves building and creating. He likes to make up his own games and be creative in a hands-on sort of way.

Every parent has a list. And quite frankly, that's ok! That means you, as a parent, are flexible and you embrace challenges to your "plans". And that, my friend, is very important when raising a child. We can't put them in the box we idealized for them. In fact, as parents, we shouldn't even put ourselves in a box. We are all unique and that means your approach to parents is going to be different from other people and probably different for each of your children in small ways. So don't be ashamed that you have violated your before-I-became-a-parent ideas. Be proud. Because that means you care enough about your child to meet them where they are and that you have accepted the reality that parenting is crazy hard sometimes no matter how good you are at it.

You all rock! Keep doing what you're doing and love those little ones with all your might!