Don't Tell My Son Not To Cry

I'm always a little surprised when people say things to my son that they think I will approve of. Like telling him that boys don't paint their nails or that he shouldn't wear pink. I  really  hate it when someone tells my son he's okay after he gets hurt or is upset about something. Don't tell my son how he feels. He knows how he feels and his feelings should be validated and respected. Just because he happens to be a boy doesn't mean he's not allowed to feel. Some of these things do tend to light a fire inside me, and I have to make a pretty great effort not to say something rude. I try to be nice about it, because I know they don't mean to be assholes, they were just raised that way, but it still really kind of pisses me off.

I don't want my son to feel limited by his gender. I don't want him to feel like he can't express himself in whatever makes him feel good about being him. Now, I know that someday the influence of peers and the desire to be accepted will come into play and he will learn that some things just aren't going to be ignored by society. He may or may not listen to those idiots. Time will tell. But in the meantime, while he is still young and fairly innocent about life I want him to be himself. I want him to feel like it's normal and okay for him to cry if he's hurt or sad. Anger is okay too as long as it's channeled and dealt with properly .

Humans have emotions. Boys are humans. And no one has a right to tell my son to "suck it up", "man up" (I'll never understand that one...men are such whiners! haha Seriously, get them sick with a little bug and you'll see), "dry up", etc. I want my son to know that crying makes you a man. At least it does in my opinion. A man who is comfortable expressing his feelings is better to me than one who stifles them and stuffs them away. Stuffed emotions can cause all sorts of issues. I don't want that for him.

This Crazy Keto Diet

This diet has been surprisingly easy. At first, it was a challenge. Going through carb withdrawals was hard. I wanted to eat ALL the easter candy. I wanted to eat the fruit! I still want all the fruit, but the rest has become kind of meh.

I allowed myself a break for the Easter holiday and it took me a week to get back in ketosis. I indulged slightly in refined sugars and homemade goodies. What I discovered is that my palette has changed. The refined sugars that my brain kept telling me were so good and that I just had to have, didn't taste as good anymore. I used to have to have sugar in my green tea, and now I don't need any sweeteners at all. Even Stevia is a bit too sweet for me anymore and I am working on reducing that in my bulletproof coffee for the day as well. (Plus artificial sweeteners with no calories just make me a little nervous to be consuming a lot of.)

Fruits have become my candy. I would choose that over a chocolate Cadbury egg any day! And actually, when I allowed myself the cheat day, I mostly ate grapes. They were so good!! At the same time, my tummy has shrunk so my indulgence was kept to a decently moderate level. I was prepared to indulge till I bloated. That's what I would typically do. But this time I didn't I hate that feeling enough to not want to go there if I can control it. And it seems that since I have cleansed my palette in a way, it is easier to do that.

I am more satiated when I need to be and not freaking starving all the time. Seriously, when I was scarfing down carbs (including fruits) I never felt full. I was eating all the time. I didn't really even mean to, I was just hungry all the time. And I hate being hungry.

Bulletproof coffee is the shit. OMG I never imagine a drink concoction would be so delicious! And it keeps me feeling full for most of the day. I get the caffeine boost I need plus the fats to make me feel full and satiated. It's amazing.

I actually feel more in tune with what my body is trying to tell me now. Now that I'm not thinking I need to eat constantly I am better able to attend to thirst. I crave nutritious foods. I crave meat. I drink more water. I feel less bloated. I feel more energized.

I haven't lost much weight yet. The initial 8 pounds I thought I lost seems to have possibly been a scale fail. So I have potentially only lost 3 pounds so far. But even though the scale says I haven't lost much weight, I know I've lost something because my clothes are less tight and my tummy is way less bloated. I look in the mirror and I see change. That's really the main thing that means something to me. Scales are evil.

But I am so far doing pretty well with this process. We will see how far I can take it!

I Am Worth The Time, Expense, & Energy It Takes To Make Me Feel Beautiful

In my youth, I rarely went out without having done my hair and makeup. Back then I did it because I wanted other people to see me a certain way. I wanted them to see me and find me physically acceptable and worthy of whatever because I was not ugly. Somehow I got the idea that my worth was based on my appearance (sarcasm...). I used to spend up to 3 hours doing my hair and makeup! Yes, insane right?! Everything had to look perfect. No crimps in my hair. Nothing amiss or off center. I scrutinized my face and hair for 3 hours! Awful! What a waste of time. And I doubt anyone would have even cared that I had a chunk of hair that didn't get straightened. And I lost all that time for strangers. For my perceived reality where everyone I encountered would judge me negatively. In reality, none of those people probably even cared.

Now that I'm older, I do venture out sans makeup occasionally without feeling horrified by the (IMO) so that saves a ton of time. Messy buns are also pretty great (as long as they don't take more than 3 minutes to put up, then they just piss me off). Most of the time I do my makeup. I do this in part because I am a horrible face toucher and compulsive picker. So if I have makeup on I reduce my face touching and won't pick as much. And it's not because I don't care what I look like, but I don't care what I look like to other people.
thought. I'll even leave strands of hair unstraightened. Actually, I have embraced my natural waves, which are pretty awesome

As I have learned to love me for me, I have also learned that I don't really care what other people think of me when they judge me based on my appearance. And quite honestly, 95% of the people looking at me when I go out of the house are probably far too wrapped up in their own self-conscious thoughts to even really consciously see me at all.

I get dressed and polished for me. I don't do it for the strangers I may encounter during the day. I don't do it so people will think I'm pretty (honestly, most of the time I really don't desire that kind of attention from anyone). I don't do it because society has shaped my thoughts and made me believe that in order to be a worthwhile woman in society I must be beautiful. Nope. I do it for me. I do it because I like looking at my face when I feel like I look pretty. It boosts my confidence. It makes me feel good to take care of my appearance. And that goes for fitness too. It's all about serving myself. Giving myself the things I need to look in the mirror and think nice thoughts. To express love and care for my own well-being.

Mornings are never ending if I don't get dressed and polished. I tend to feel depressed, negative, sluggish, unmotivated. Even if I've worked out. I have to get dressed for the day. I have to. And I deserve that! I know too many women who become moms and then just give up on doing things for themselves. And often that includes their appearance. Moms do tend to go automatic with putting themselves last. But I have found that when I put myself first (in a sense) I am able to be a better mom. I am happier and more patient. So, it's essential that I take the time to polish up for the day.

Significant Results Require Significant Actions: My Keto Diet

I have only recently learned of this thing called the Keto Diet. My husband actually was the one who told me about it. It was kind of funny how it came about right as I was feeling like I'm in quite a rut. And typically I don't buy fad diets nor do I participate in them. However, when you work out on a daily basis and don't lose any squishies then it's possible something is not going right. I realized that something's gotta give and carbs are it.

My goal in this is to basically get a jump start. I want to rid pounds of fat from my body so I can feel comfortable and look good to myself. I'm not hating on myself, which is different than what it has been for me in the past. I used to just shame myself into diets and working out. So I would just resent it and then quit altogether eventually. But now I have a good fitness routine and my heart is committed to it. It seemed like an easy next goal to tackle my daily diet.

I began first, before I even started Keto, by limiting carbs already. But I was thinking of things like bread, pasta, and rice. The Keto Diet reminds me that sugars are carbs too, even natural ones from fruit. It occurred to me that I do eat too many carbs. (And I am certain that eating all those cookies didn't help.) 

It was a moderately simple transition into the Keto Diet for me because I was already on somewhat of a restrictive normal diet. I know that restrictive sounds just terrible to some people, but I personally believe we have to work with what our bodies tell us. Mine tells me that carbs are not my friend, so I listen. And they aren't. I LOVE sugar. Like serious addict here. And pasta! Yum. Bread. Oh pass the buttah! But all these things that I like eating so much make me feel bloated and tired. My GI track isn't a big fan either. And when I eat too much sugar I get sores on my tongue. Besides all those things, it also makes my fat come back to visit. And I don't really want her to visit after she's left. So, a change must happen.

So far it has not been super hard. There are times I really want to eat something, but not because I'm hungry. Just because I long for the taste and texture. The magic bulletproof coffee method really works for me. I have it in the morning and afternoon. It keeps me from munching in between meals because I just don't get hungry until it's actually time to eat. I also appreciate that I can eat things that are good, like bacon and eggs. I do miss the fruit, but it is only temporary so I will taste them again. 

It's been working for me thus far. I tested myself the other day and my body is in ketosis. I've weighed in twice since I started and I have lost 6 pounds so far. I started on April 1st. So that's a pound a day on average. It's made it easier to prepare dinner at night since my husband is partially joining me on this diet journey. 

At this point, I am excited about this diet, but we will see how long it lasts. Sometimes those donuts look so freaking delicious. Right now my self-control is winning!