Don't Tell My Son Not To Cry

I'm always a little surprised when people say things to my son that they think I will approve of. Like telling him that boys don't paint their nails or that he shouldn't wear pink. I  really  hate it when someone tells my son he's okay after he gets hurt or is upset about something. Don't tell my son how he feels. He knows how he feels and his feelings should be validated and respected. Just because he happens to be a boy doesn't mean he's not allowed to feel. Some of these things do tend to light a fire inside me, and I have to make a pretty great effort not to say something rude. I try to be nice about it, because I know they don't mean to be assholes, they were just raised that way, but it still really kind of pisses me off.

I don't want my son to feel limited by his gender. I don't want him to feel like he can't express himself in whatever makes him feel good about being him. Now, I know that someday the influence of peers and the desire to be accepted will come into play and he will learn that some things just aren't going to be ignored by society. He may or may not listen to those idiots. Time will tell. But in the meantime, while he is still young and fairly innocent about life I want him to be himself. I want him to feel like it's normal and okay for him to cry if he's hurt or sad. Anger is okay too as long as it's channeled and dealt with properly .

Humans have emotions. Boys are humans. And no one has a right to tell my son to "suck it up", "man up" (I'll never understand that one...men are such whiners! haha Seriously, get them sick with a little bug and you'll see), "dry up", etc. I want my son to know that crying makes you a man. At least it does in my opinion. A man who is comfortable expressing his feelings is better to me than one who stifles them and stuffs them away. Stuffed emotions can cause all sorts of issues. I don't want that for him.

Why I refuse To Cut My Son's Hair

For a long while in my life I got my hair thinned. I don't really know why, except that every stylist I ever had recommended that I do. So I did.

Then at one point in my life I thought to myself, "Why thin my hair when I have such awesome thick hair? Some women would kill for hair as thick as mine." So I stopped. I thought that this is what I was born to have so I should embrace it.

Yes my hair is ridiculously thick. Like crazy thick. I can't use clips or pin it up easily. I break tons of hair ties. My hair stylists always stand in shock and awe at the pile I leave on the floor, even after only a trim. And my poor sister-in-law who is now my only stylist has her work cut out for her when I get my hair colored. It takes hours. Like literally from 10am to 3pm. Not a joke. But at least it gives us time to spend with just the two of us. So there's a bonus in that.

My son was blessed with the same thickness. He gets compliments on his hair all the time. His hair is spectacular! He really has the most amazing blond hair, complete with natural highlights of red and brown. It is truly just gorgeous. It's a bear to manage for sure. After any sleep he has bed head that would put Wil Wheaton's to shame. It's difficult to wash and rinse because it's so thick too. The water just tends to bead off, leaving the underparts dry as a bone. It requires movement to get the water down to the scalp.

I have had it cut several times and cut it myself even a couple. If I had not, who knows how long it would be now. But I can't do it anymore. He just doesn't seem to me like the kind of boy that has a crew cut. His plump face looks too grown up with short short hair. My heart breaks too much when it disappears. He likes it long. I like it long. And why wouldn't we want him to have something he can appreciate when he is so blessed with such a gorgeous mane?

Boys can have long hair. It doesn't bother me one bit. Boys can wear earrings in both ears and I don't care. It doesn't even phase me. But some older people become very annoyed at the sight of my son's thick, wavy locks. They encourage me to cut it or ask me when I will. And I simply say no. Why would I do that to him? Why would I try to make him something he is not? He is old enough now to tell me whether he wants his hair cut. And he does. The last time we got it cut, it was because he wanted to. I didn't, but he did.

I won't cut it. I don't know at what point I will encourage it. Maybe never. I don't see me doing the 'man bun' to him though. I don't know. But I love him just the way he is. I love his massive head of hair. He's the best.

Mommy Confession: I Didn't and Won't Finish My Son's Baby Book

I know there are going to be plenty of parents out there who are going to disagree with me on this one, but it is my opinion that traditional baby books are quite an archaic practice.

I started one. Why? Well, it was just something I thought people were supposed to do. I also thought that my ability to complete this book was a reflection of how good a mother I was, because (gasp!) what kind of a mother doesn't even bother to complete her own child's baby book!? Or at least that was the false idea I had in my head.

So, I worked hard on it. I tried to write down everything and make sure each little category was completed. When I forgot something I was really hard on myself about it.

Then in the middle of age 1, I just stopped. I have a handful of photos just tucked into the book waiting to be glued down. I know there are a ton of pages left empty.

What made me give it up? Well...quite frankly I just didn't enjoy it. It was fairly time consuming and I eventually realized that I would much rather be spending that time actually in the moment with my son rather than spending time trying to document everything. And I asked myself what my son would rather have me doing; ignoring him while I try to fill out this book or spending time with him building endless variations of train tracks?

In these times it is so much easier to just live life and have it documented as you go. There are a number of apps, like Time Hop, that allows you to photograph life and take walks down memory lane all the time. Facebook does this too. Google Photos stores everything by date and is easy to search. All my documented and important images are stored in "the cloud". It's fairly effortless. And if there are other memories I want to preserve that can't be stored photographically I have a running Google doc that I periodically write little notes to my son on. Someday, when he can read, I'll share it with him so he can read the things I wrote (and some family members too) while he was growing up.

The other factor is that, well, he just isn't going to care. Sure it will be a nice little memory to look at every now and then, but when it comes right down to it I think my son would rather have me there with him experiencing life rather than sitting in a corner stressing about completing lines in a book and pasting photos. I don't think my mom completed mine. While I appreciate what she did complete some pages of mine, I honestly don't feel that her ability/inability to complete my baby book is a direct reflection of her parenting. The things that mattered most were the things she did with me.

So, yeah I give up on the baby book. Maybe someday I'll get really bored and try to do what little I can remember by then, but I highly doubt it. And I'm okay with this.