Sometimes You Just Need To Talk It Out, Even If It's Just With Your Reflection

I have been feeling exceptionally anxious the past few days. Running in the morning has helped, but only for a couple hours. It occurred to me today that I've basically just been putting a band aid on the anxiety instead of addressing it.

So today I had a good talk with myself. Yep, I stood in front of my mirror and actually talked to myself. Sometimes just saying things out loud is such a relief. It beats swirling around in my brain achieving nothing but high blood pressure and a racing pulse.

With my vocal processing of the recent dilemma I discovered that it was coming from pressure that I have put upon myself. Once again, I am my own worst enemy. I've been stressing about my son's upcoming birthday party. Plus, having so many people in my house at one time makes me feel like I just took a deep breath but can only blow it out through a tiny pin hole. While I love each of them dearly, the sheer numbers just...it's a lot.

I really stopped to think about what it was I was getting so stressed about. I wanted it to be perfect. But then I thought, "What does he care about?" He cares about the cake, the presents, and the people. He doesn't care about it being perfect. He'd be content with just getting to play with his BFF and his cousin. And it doesn't have to be perfect, because, to him, it already is. How lucky he is to even have all these people come together to celebrate the day he took his first breath. How blessed he is to be so loved. And here I am freaking out because I overfilled the cupcake papers and the cupcakes now look like mushrooms. But they taste good so I should not care!

The self-talk really helped a lot. It was a bit unconventional, and I certainly could not have done it without being all alone. But it worked.

We're going to have a birthday party. It's going to be awesome.