Silencing That Inner Critic

I made a mistake this morning. I took a picture of myself in down dog. I do this occasionally to check on my form. I want to make sure I'm not arching my back. My back looked fine. What got me was seeing myself. I'm thick. I know this. I want to lose weight, but it is so hard. I hate being hungry! I'm not terribly good at portion control and I probably drink too much booze.

Despite how I look I feel physically fit. I am happier now than I ever was as a size 5 of mush. But sometimes I catch myself comparing. I follow a lot of other ladies who are into fitness too and they all have these amazing, chiseled, and thin bodies. I am thick. I want to be thin. And most of the time I still have this desire, but I don't beat myself up about it. I try not to be mean to myself or be depressed about where I am physically.

I have come a long way from there I was and I am proud of that. I have transformed myself inside and out. But every now and then that inner voice tries to trip me up and psych me out. Today it was loud! I had a hard time focusing during my yoga practice this morning. I even caught myself thinking negative thoughts when I fell out of a pose and when I watched Ally do something that I am nowhere near being about to do. Then I took a deep breath and said (out loud actually) STOP! I gave myself some positive affirmations and got back into my vinyasa. I finished with a full heart and a quieter critic.

I share this because I think it's important to acknowledge that no matter how much progress you are making, you're going to have setbacks. They may be large or small, but they will inevitably show up to try to knock you off your game. The important and most valuable thing is to make a pointed effort to challenge those setbacks or creepy inner voices. Sometimes I stand in front of a mirror and say nice things to myself, pump myself up, and I do it out loud (it just works better for me that way). I don't lie to myself. I don't tell myself I look fine just the way I am because I don't actually believe that. But, I do tell myself I am still beautiful outside and in, that I have worked hard to get where I am and I should be proud, that at least I am doing something!