Yes, I Let My Son Paint His Nails. Get Over It.

There are so many things I've learned about gender stereotypes since becoming the mom of a boy. I was always pretty aware of the ones for girls (obviously), but less aware of those for the boys. It is actually pretty hard to be a man in our society. Men aren't allowed to have emotions, appear weak, look "too pretty", play with dolls...and the list goes on. Here are a few things that get under my skin...

1. Boys can't paint their nails. Yes. I let my son paint his nails. I do this with some hesitation because there are multiple concerns. There is the one hand that I don't want to project gender stereotypes that boys aren't allowed to paint their nails. Then on the other hand there's the concern that he'll be ok with it and face humiliation one day because other people in our society are not so cool about it. Honestly, why should this matter? But I do. And it is surprising how many people notice and feel obliged to comment. I've been shocked about some of the things some people will think it's ok to say to my child. And of course, I don't just sit there quietly and allow it. So, sometimes it causes an issue. But I don't care! Let him decide what he wants. It will suck when/if he decides against it because someone humiliated him about it. But it'll still be his choice and right now he's pretty cool with pretty nails. I'm ok with that.

2, Boys aren't supposed to play with dolls. My husband and I actually tried specifically to provide our son with an array of toys. He had trucks and baby dolls. I didn't turn away from something just because it was pink or too cute. Nevertheless he still gravitated to traditionally male toys; trucks, cars, dirt, balls, etc. I bought him a couple Barbie dolls (a boy and a girl) so he would have the option to do imaginary play with them or role play. I distinctly remember the day they arrived. He was asleep so I unpackaged it and just set it at his play spot. He woke up from a nap and immediately noticed it sitting there. He asked me what it was. I told him it was just a doll that he can play with if he wants to. He burst into tears and cried, "But I don't want to play with that mommy!" I quickly reassured him that it was not a requirement, just an option, and if he didn't want to play with them that was ok. They became toys for when his friends that are girls come over to visit. But even though he doesn't really like dolls or any of those types of toys, it still pisses me off when people says things like "Well at least he doesn't play with dolls!" As if that is the most grotesque idea in the world. Ugh. Just don't.

3. He's such a mama's boy. Oh yeah, because he's a human with EMOTIONS?! Right, I forget that boys aren't supposed to cry. I say bullshit. My grandpa, may he RIP, always taught us that true strength in a man comes with his ability to show his heart. If a man cries, it is not a weakness, but a sign that he cares, that he can feel compassion, that he is a good, strong man. I hate when people think that my son is weak because he gravitates to his mother for comfort. I hate when people expect him to just shake it off without even recognizing or acknowledging the emotion that's there. No wonder so many boys grow up to have anger issues!

Yes, having boys comes with it's own unique set of disgraceful gender stereotypes. I work really hard to teach my son that things aren't really that way and that he doesn't have to be the way others expect him to be. I know he'll face these decisions all the time, for the rest of his life. To be himself or not to be himself. That is certainly a challenge we can all relate to. But until he starts facing those decisions on his own, I will allow him to explore and express himself however he feels comfortable. Because that's what I'm supposed to do as a mom (in my opinion). My job is to give him the space to find himself and love that self.