I honestly believe he was ready before we were. There was one shining moment in time where he indicated he was probably ready, but I had so much research to do!!! I hadn't read much about it at all. I mean I have, but I didn't feel like an expert.
In all the research I did I discovered that every kid is so completely different than another that there is almost no way to know exactly what is going to work until you're in the thick of it. Also, everyone says different things. Everyone has a different experience, a different opinion, etc. etc. And most of the books about potty training are written from anecdotal experiences as professionals in a variety of areas. So the more research I did, the more I felt like I was drowning in information but could make no use of it.
Originally I had decided to do it right after his 3rd birthday. Then our family decided to do a zoo trip before this year was over AND I was impatient to start this potty training business. So we happened to have an immediate 2-week window where nothing much was going on and I jumped right in.
Much of my research indicated that boys are late potty trainers and it's perfectly acceptable to wait until they are 3. At the same time, I read an equal amount of anecdotes about boys who were able to potty train sooner. So...no one really knows.
I decided to go with the book
 |
| Available on Amazon.com |
There were positives and negatives with regard to this method and the author.
Let me first say that the impression I get from this book about Glowacki is that she is a fairly blunt, crass, and opinionated lady. She can be incredibly condescending and gives the impression that she feels her way is the only way, the best way, and she is the best at making it happen. If things go wrong, it's because the parents didn't follow her directions to a tea like she expects. None of what I read in here is really based on science. It's mostly all from her own experiences, and while that is certainly valid, I feel like she clumps all kids into her experience bubble and if any one child deviates from her personal experiences then it's really not worth addressing because (and I'm paraphrasing here) in all here years of experience she's only had 1 or 2 kids who behaved that way.
It was also quite insulting (more so to my husband who was once a stay-at-home-dad) that she presents this process from a presumption that the only person doing the potty training will be mom. She even has a section specifically intended for dads to read where she basically says she knows she's making huge generalizations based on her work in "the real world" and it really isn't meant to alienate anyone, but then she continues to write the entire book in this manner. So like she knows she's kind of being offensive and its not meant to be, but she leaves it as it is. Umm...ok?? She rarely refers to "parents" or focuses on any areas where a mom or dad would be better or worse in helping. It's very mom-centric, which in this day is extremely out of touch with social reality. I honestly didn't really even notice it until my husband read it. I just related to a lot of it, but didn't think how it would come across to someone that wasn't her exact target audience.
That said, she is also an experienced social worker and has helped many parents potty train their child. So I respected her training and experience. I also respected the process she presented.
Another thing to be aware of is that she is very stuck on the idea that a parent must potty train during the "Golden Window" (between 20 and 30 months) regardless of gender, temperament, or developmental stage. I personally think this is total bullshit. Even when I wasn't super sure that he was ready, there were plenty of signs to indicate that he was. He just didn't know any other way. He had to learn a new way to do things and he was prepared for it developmentally. So I call shenanigans on this theory of the "Golden Window". I believe there are developmental signs of readiness and these are more important to attend to than their chronological age.
If you decide to use this book and you are doing it outside of her magic window, read Chapter 15 first because it will at least provide some relief for you and NOT make you feel like you've already completely screwed it all up and are therefore a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad parent. I started from the beginning and went into complete panic mode.
So why on earth did I choose this book? Well, all condescension and arrogance aside, her foundational ideas with relation to developmental child psychology made perfect sense to me. When I filter through the parts I didn't like about her writing style and presentation I see a method that allows a more natural learning process to occur. I'm not putting him on the potty at certain intervals and expecting him to go. This method centers around the child more; learning his/her own bodily cues and the natural consequences and feelings that come with success or accidents.
A Brief Process Synopsis & How It Worked For Us
[Block 1] Naked Day(s) & House Arrest - In the beginning, her expectation is that the child is naked (at least from the waist down) all day (for as many days as it takes for them to begin to recognize that they are peeing/pooping). Everyone participating in this process stays home. I recommend that both parents be around or if you have a friend or family member that can be there to help out, do this! It is EXTREMELY exhausting and stressful being the only one, and you really need a tag team for this phase so that you (the parent) can still have some normalcy in your day and be able to go to the bathroom yourself too (as well as a couple extra hands to help clean up inevitable messes).
Her recommendation was to be on the kid like white on rice. I'm sorry, but that shit is just plain crazy. Even the most focused person cannot sit there all day staring at a child to learn their potty cues and prompt accordingly without going completely mad. And who on earth is going to feel no pressure when his/her parents are suddenly staring at them all day? Um...no one I know.
So day one drove me bat-shit crazy. I am not the kind of person that can sit and stare at my child all day long. I love him to death, don't get me wrong here. But sometimes...well...he's kind of boring. I know he's having a great time, but I can play trains for only so long before my attention moves elsewhere.
Being on him "like white on rice" did not work for him either. My son wants to do things on his own. He is extremely proud of becoming a big boy. He almost never wants my help or anyone's help with anything. He also can't be pushed into things. He has always always done things in his own time and exactly when he feels ready. He doesn't like to struggle or fail. But he observes and learns then when he's ready it's just like BOOM...suddenly he's speaking in complete sentences when just last week he was barely saying more than 'mom' & 'dad'. I mean seriously! He just amazes me. I panic, then suddenly he's all like "I got this mom, no worries." But I digress. Anyway, we all became frustrated with the watching. So we backed off a bit and observed frequently from a distance. We'd prompt randomly things like "Do you feel like you need to go potty?". He'd say no, then I would remind him what he needs to do when he does feel like he needs to and walk away. Showing him that I trusted him with this very big responsibility seemed to encourage him more to do it on his own. Once we backed off, he just did it. It was (I dare say...because some mom out there is going to want to wring my neck for it) really kind of easy!
Here's why though. He was ready. I felt like developmentally he was in a place where he understood what was expected, but just wasn't really sure how to approach it. So once we sort of 'taught' him how to go about doing it, it just clicked. He wasn't forced into it. We encouraged him to try, but didn't make him try. And for him that worked.
Now, there was also one hiccup in the plan. Bribery. I read so many times that in this one situation, bribery is encouraged. The book I chose was against it (and as much as I hate to admit it, she was sort of right). In our case we chose to use rewards for going. And it backfired big time. Once he realized he got a reward for it, he wouldn't get off the potty. He'd just sit and wait until the next "movement" and want a reward. You could say he was highly motivated. Except we wanted him to learn the 'feelings' of needing to go. So we had to tweak it a little. We began to reward for the expected behavior and got more specific about it. It wasn't just for going in the potty, but another condition of the reward was that it had to be spontaneous. We explained what that meant and how it would look, each scenario. And that worked great! We did phase out of the rewards quickly (like by the end of the weekend). We told him that once he runs out of rewards that means he's potty trained (we're done training) and now all he has to do is keep practicing what he's learned. At the end we told him he graduated and he got a big prize.
Other things we did in the beginning block were things like having the potty chair in a central and connected location. Meaning he could get there quickly and not miss out on too much of the household activities. (We are slowly moving it toward the bathroom as his bladder control gets better) We read books if he felt like he needed to go and we practiced waiting. Now he sometimes reads on his own or we read a couple to him.
We also decided to go ahead with night training too because he was already waking up dry after naps for a really long while (that's the typical cue for night training readiness). I think we went about 3 weeks of consistent dry post-nap diaper. At night I don't allow fluids after dinner and so far he's been dry in the morning. I also had the potty in his room for the first few nights. I put a glow stick underneath it to illuminate it through the night and if he needed to go he would be able to see it without turning on too many lights.
[Block 2] Commando & [Block 3] Underpants & Longer Outings - Phase two will last as long as it needs to. The transition is supposed to be when they no longer have accidents while wearing pants/dresses. Parents are encouraged to take short outings to practice and encourage success to build confidence. We are giving him the choice to wear underpants or not. I understand that there is worry there that the underpants will feel too much like a diaper, but I really don't feel like you need to necessarily wait as long as she recommends to start with the underpants. We let him go either way, in both situations he "tested it out" once, and we have had very few accidents. But what works for my kid might not work for another. So use your own judgement on that one. I think he was getting confused because he kept seeing in books and other things that being a big boy meant to wear big boy underpants. If we sat there telling him he's a big boy then didn't allow him to wear underpants when he asked....well I can see how that might be confusing. So we just decided to let him choose.
Mostly the issue now is getting the pants down in time. I keep telling him to "push" them down, but he pulls them so it takes longer.
I am still quite terrified of extended outings. We tried the park the other day and that went well. We're both getting pretty stir crazy now, but I am so afraid he'll have an accident and just be mortified...or NOT be mortified. I don't know which is worse.
We're still working and practicing. He's done a pretty awesome job at this. I'm super proud of him.
Overall, I'd say that the basic premise of this process is good. It's more child-centered and allows for natural learning to take place. I liked the different "Blocks", but didn't really agree on the time frame expectancy for those. I really think you just have to go with your gut sometimes. If you feel like your child is ready to do something, then let them do it. Teach them, support them. This method allows for that. For my son, it worked. We had to make it our own, but the basics were there.
What I didn't like is that there are not enough troubleshooting sections for a variety of situations, she comes across as arrogant and condescending, and I would have appreciated if she would have started the book with chapter 15. I think the book could be written in a more inclusive format for other types of caregivers other than just moms.
But as I said before, the process is a good one. It worked for us anyway! (as about a gazillion other parents would say about whatever method they chose haha) So if this interests you and you can look past the negatives and just use the book as more of a guide rather than a manual, you might like it. You might not really need the book either, if you understand how to do the process. A good resource here would be: http://www.lucieslist.com/toddlerhood/the-two-day-method-potty-training/
Happy Potty Training!
No comments:
Post a Comment