Here's the thing. We are all moms and as moms, we have enough on our plates to worry about with all this negativity being hurled at us. We are all beautiful in our own way and don't deserve to be boxed. We don't deserve to be loathed. We go to the pool with our kiddos and probably many of us are freaking out inside because we are so worried about other people judging us and our children. We worry about people judging our parenting. We worry about our kids being safe, being friendly, and being a kind. We should not have to worry about someone hating us because we brought a pool noodle or because we play with our kiddo in the pool. We should not have to worry about someone thinking negatively about us because one mom wears a two-piece and another does not.
It's articles like this that put women on the defense as soon as they leave the house. Moms are portrayed as some juvenile petty bitches. And I'll be honest here, some of them are, but the majority of them are not. And I can honestly say that I don't judge a single parent at the pool, except when their kid is being an asshole and they aren't doing anything about it. That's about it. But walking into the place weighed down by negativity isn't going to help anyone.
So here's my personal reflection on the stereotypes illustrated in the article -
The Regulars - Unless you are one of them you probably won't know they are regulars. They are a group of parents who already know each other and find comfort in numbers when venturing out in the world. They are probably really nice, but they may not be looking for new friends, so don't be offended about that.
The Nannies - Unless this person has a sign hanging around their neck that says "nanny" you probably won't know. And not all moms look weary either.
The Fun Mom - Uh ok, why is it not okay for me to have fun with my child? If you're not a parent who enjoys being childish with your child then that's fine, but don't be resentful towards other parents for being that way.
The Phone Mom - Well, this mom is probably on her phone because she has social anxieties or is so self-conscious about herself that it's easier just to avoid any potential eye contact. Or she's just not very attentive when in public places. Some people do believe that when there are other adults around they can slack a bit on their monitoring. I am not one of those moms, but some are. Either way, this doesn't necessarily make them a bad person or worthy of negativity. If you don't know their story, don't make assumptions.
The Toddler Plus New Infant Mom - A mom with a toddler and a new baby. Probably super nice, but will be far too distracted paying attention to multiple things to be a good conversationalist. She might also be completely exhausted but is taking her kids to the pool anyway because she knows they will love it. She's putting them first. So don't be so hard on her.
The Perfect Mom - Ok, first of all, there is no perfect mom, there is only the illusion of the perfect mom. And if by perfect mom you mean someone who works out, eats healthy, and tries really hard to look good, why should she be shamed for it? She probably works hard because that is something that makes her feel good and happy in her life and her body. And good for her!! But she's not special. She is no better than any other mom. She's not trying to appear to be better than everyone. She's probably confident enough in herself not to even care what other people are thinking about her. And she shouldn't. In fact, no mom should. No person should. We are all beautiful and unique and that is the best part about being human!
The Mom Looking For A Friend, Any Friend - Aren't we all? Motherhood can be lonely AF. We all need social connections. There's no shame in that.
The Hippie Mom - Again, just a person with their own opinions about life. Why do we need to degrade them for that? She's probably a really loving parent. Those kids are lucky to have someone work that hard to give them health and happiness.
The Grandma - She's there.
The Discipline Mom - I don't know what kind of mom this is because I rarely ever see one. Maybe that's because I'm her? haha It does really annoy me when kids climb up the slide when other kids are wanting to go down. And I'm pretty vocal about my displeasure with the behavior of other children at playgrounds or the pool. But here's the thing, I don't give a f*ck if someone else thinks I am being overprotective or whatever. Because my kid, who's not currently acting like an asshole will be less likely to grow up to be....an asshole. So go on, judge me.
The bottom line is that every mom has a different story, different personality, different way of dealing with social situations among strangers, and are an awesome and unique human being. We are all struggling in one way or another whether it be with our own inner voice or our perception of how others see us. Why do we, as parents, have to put up all these negative defenses? Why can we not just be civilized adults who are kind to others? How about instead of hating the other parents we see around us all the time because they are different than we are, we just be nice? Everyone will be happier for it!
So that's my schpeel for the day. Let's just go out and be kind.
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