I Am More

     Motherhood is most definitely one of the best "jobs" I have ever had. At the same time, being a mommy (especially a SAHM) can make one feel as though they have lost themselves or become invisible in a way. We are always so busy taking care of our littles that we don't often get the opportunity to be seen by others as something other than just a mom. As a working mom, I hated having to leave my son, but I also really loved being able to have adult conversations and be appreciated for the work I did. It made me feel good to feel as though I was doing something important (not that being a mom isn't important, but typically no one makes an effort to show us we are appreciated).
     This year I have finally been able to sneak in some time for me to do things I want to do like volunteer. It's really the only sort of thing that I can do because right now my schedule doesn't have much flexibility. I'd have to find a sitter that will watch him for free so that can be a challenge. The first day I volunteered at our local children's museum I broke down in tears on my way home. Why? Well, besides the fact that I am a very emotional person, I finally felt like someone saw me. Like really saw me. I finally had conversations that weren't solely about my son with other adults that seemed to appreciate my presence. It made my heart swell with joy.
     I'm probably in my final year of being a SAHM. My son will begin preschool so I will have to go back to work at least part time. I'm trying to do as much volunteering as I can. It's kind of become a bit of an addiction. I feel useful. People are nice to me. I get to work with kiddos a little bit. Well, actually, the most interaction with kiddos I've had so far is when I volunteered to be the check-in lady at the holiday event. Otherwise, I've mostly just done crafting projects, but I love being helpful so it's totally cool with me.
     In any case, I know the ladies at the museum have no idea how much it means to me that they allow me to come do their bidding for a few hours here and there. But it means a great deal. It makes me feel like a person again. Like I'm still useful. Not just a housewife or a mom, but something a little bit more.