My Top 5 Netflix "Happy Heart Show" Recommendations

As someone who tends to absorb the emotions I expose myself to like a sponge I have to be mindful of what shows I watch. I watched 13 Reasons Why and it triggered my depression pretty severely. To such an extent that I considered changing my medication because I was worried that it wasn't working anymore. I also started watching Shameless, and while it is an excellent show, it was far too reminiscent of experiences I had growing up with an alcoholic father. That time I caught myself and noticed the change in mood after exposing myself to the show too much. I can recognize the feeling now as I tend to flare up a bit when I watch too much Orange is the New Black.

It has become clear to me now that I am much more sensitive to the shows I watch than I realized. Now that I know it's a trigger I have aimed to find shows that are good and have a more positive angle. These are my top 5 Netflix recommendations for what I will refer to as "Happy Heart Shows".

#1 Life In Pieces This series chronicles the lives of the 3 generations of the Short family as they go about their daily lives. Think Parenthood, but without all the ugly crying. Excellent, clever humor, and I LOL a lot.






#2 Schitt's Creek This show follows a wealthy family whose money was taken by their business manager who failed to pay their taxes. No spoilers, but this one is hilarious and heartwarming at the same time. So many classic comedian actors/actresses in the cast too. Love it!

#3 Parks & Recreation I can never really get enough of this show. This one and Scrubs are my two infinite rewatchables. Probably The Office falls in there too. But I just love the energy of this show. Plus, Chris Pratt...am  I right?! Yum.






#4 Happyish This show is slightly a bit of dark humor, but utterly relatable. Dark humor in the sense that there are mental health issues that everyone deals with. More normalizing I guess I would say and so freaking funny.

#5 Grace and Frankie Lily Tomlin has always been a favorite of mine. She's amazing. Jane Fonda is still looking great. Get these two together and throw in Martin Sheen and you've got yourself a funny take on an unexpected turn in the later years of life.


Happy Netflix Bingeing!

When You Are A Parent Who Struggles With Anxiety You Practice Bravery Every Day And Your Child Probably Doesn't Even Know It

I don't think my son (or any of our children for that matter) will ever truly understand what we do for them. And that's ok. I don't need my son to know the sacrifices I make or the struggles I face for him. But this has been on my mind a lot lately and I'm sure I'm not the only parent out there who deals with this.

Here's the thing, I am an introverted extrovert. I desire relationships and social experiences, but on a limited basis. I enjoy solitude more than I like being surrounded by people. I have few friends, but the ones I have are real and drama-free. I struggle with anxiety, both situational and social. So, when I force myself to take my son to an activity it is sometimes a huge accomplishment for me. I want him to at least have the opportunity to develop socially among children his age. I want him to have a chance to try. Therefore, mommy has to go. And then I'm surrounded at places like the kiddie pool or soccer practice with other parents, some nice, some not so nice. I don't go into any of these situations looking for companionship, but I also try not to be a social pariah. Then there are those situations where some kid is acting like a total jackass and their parent isn't doing a damn thing about it. Someone has to step up and that person is usually me. I am socially anxious, but when it comes to following rules and being respectful to other children (especially mine) I power through, set that aside, and do what has to be done.

I have had an interesting experience this week. My son wanted to go to the public pool to hang out with one of his little friends. I too wanted to hang out with her mom. We arrived early to get a good spot under the shade tree. Then, the one 'mean mom' that I see all the time showed up and my heart sank. Then, the one kid that we encounter frequently who is almost always a little jerk showed up too and I could feel the tightness in my chest grow stronger. Every single time I am in any close proximity to these individuals, something unpleasant happens. Every. Single. Time. I try to avoid it, but it seems inevitable. It might be that my child and "mean mom's" child want to play together, but "mean mom" doesn't want her kids playing with any children other than ones she's already decided are ok to play with, so she redirects them away from my kid. Or it might be that the "jerk kid" pushes my son down or takes a toy away from him then when someone intervenes, either me or his mom, he has a huge screaming fit. So, naturally, my anxiety levels were high.

Luckily, the other moms all congregated at the other end of the pool. We got the whole other side all to ourselves! That was some small relief. But then it started. Jerk kid came with a fucking water gun. Who the hell lets their kid bring a water gun to the pool?! Even the best-behaved children would cause issues with that. It's just too tempting to squirt other people! And, of course, jerk kid started spraying kids and me, in the face and head with said gun. I asked him 3 times, and not quietly I might add, to stop spraying us. That was annoying encounter number one.

Then, there's the toys situation. Many kids bring their own toys to play with at the pool. Apparently. many of them are taught that if you bring a toy you have to share it. That all the toys are a free for all. I do not buy into this bullshit. If my son wants to share because he feels compelled to be kind to another kid who is not being an asshole then YES! Please do!! Hooray! But us having toys does not entitle other children to them. Unfortunately, most of these kids are unaware that I have different rules. At one point the littles decided they needed a snack so we got out of the pool, leaving the toys behind, to have our snack. We allowed other kids to play with them while we were not playing with them. I talked with my son about this and told him that when we were done with snack we could go get his toys back so he could play with them again.

Snack is done. Thus begins my least favorite thing to do as a mom in public social situations, interacting with other people's children and attempted toy retrieval. Inside I was filled to the brim with anxiety, but I am a grown up and my son is still working on social skills so he didn't want to retrieve them alone. Across the pool I spot "jerk kid" with our pool noodle. "Fuck." I whispered under my breathe. I took a deep breath and headed in that direction. As he swam away I spoke to him as kindly as I could. I told him we were back in the pool and wanted out toys back now. I told him I was glad he was able to enjoy it a little bit but we wanted it back now. He refused. He started to swim away with it. He told me 'no'. Then my fire lit. Inside I was pissed as hell. So I grabbed the noodle and thought "good luck fighting it kid, I am stronger than you are ya little punk." I wanted to just yank it out from under him, but I restrained myself (I deserve a gold medal for my restraint!). But I just strengthened my grip and slowly started to pull it away, all the while repeating in my nicest voice possible that we would really like to have our toy back, it belongs to us, we want it back, etc. etc. He still refused and attempted to escape with my noodle. So, I said to him, "Ok, I've asked nicely several times. So, you can either give me the noodle or I am going to take it." He looked at me like "I dare you" and proceeded to try to swim away with it again, telling me 'no'. My strong grip began to lift upward. He gripped it as tight as he could, trying to keep it from me. I continued to repeat that it was our toy and we want it back. He had plenty of time with it and now we want it back. I literally had to pull it up over my head to get it away from him.

And do you think a single parent, including this kid's mom, said anything?! Nope. Not a peep. And that right there is why this little shit is a little shit. Because he gets away with it and not a soul will hold him accountable for his behavior. I would never let my son act that way. Needless to say, I was fuming on the inside. And of course, I was the bad guy. And it didn't stop there. That little punk found another toy that he knew belonged to us. I know he knew because as he grabbed it he looked up at me, saw me moving towards him, and promptly tried to hide it behind his back and scurry away. I took that one too. All the while I could feel the burning eyes of judgment on my back. But I know I was doing the right thing so I didn't care. I was more focused on not losing my temper and stooping to his level.

A mortifying experience. I dread experiences like this whenever we do anything that involves other kids and their parents. I could just stay at home or just hang with my own mom-friends. But that's the point I'm trying to make here. I do things I'm not comfortable with because I don't want to restrict my son's experiences on account of my own issues. I want him to have the opportunity to see that there are good people and not-so-good people out there. I have to demonstrate how to handle either kind of person for him because he's still new to all of this and he doesn't know. He's naturally a fairly timid child too, so an easy target for being taken advantage of by kids that are not-so-friendly and I feel that it is my responsibility as a parent to show him that he doesn't have to just take it. I want him to know he can stand up for himself and I will support him in that. And if not, then he can send in mama bear and I will take care of it.

So, my point in all this is that my son will never know the flurry of emotions that go on inside me when I take him to the pool or the museum or the park and there are lots of other kids/parents around. He will never know that sometimes it takes all the effort I can muster just to walk out the door when all I really want to do is stay hidden and secure in my own little bubble. I can only hope that he perhaps sees me as brave and learns from that. I want him to be brave. I think even with social anxieties, actually especially with social anxieties, we get an opportunity to practice bravery every single day. I hope he sees that. I hope he sees that his mom is there for him. I hope he sees that the expectation of a person in this world is to be kind, respectful, compassionate, and generous. I think most of the kids/parents we encounter are really good people, but unfortunately, it's not always the good people that stand out in our minds. But it is a good reminder of what not to be and how not to behave.

So, if you are a parent struggling in this same way, I hope you find comfort in knowing you are not alone. And THANK YOU for being so brave, facing your fears on the daily, and teaching your child to not be an asshole. We need less of those in the world and more people that are willing to stand up for what is right.

Go out and BE YOU BRAVELY!!

Can We Stop With The Mom-On-Mom Hate Already?

Recently, I read an article about the top 10 moms you'll see at the pool. It really kind of pissed me off. What's with the mom-on-mom hate? The whole article was boxing certain "types of moms" into categories, mostly to loathe. But it's actually a pretty negative perspective on stereotypes, of which I personally consider to be a load of crap.

Here's the thing. We are all moms and as moms, we have enough on our plates to worry about with all this negativity being hurled at us. We are all beautiful in our own way and don't deserve to be boxed. We don't deserve to be loathed. We go to the pool with our kiddos and probably many of us are freaking out inside because we are so worried about other people judging us and our children. We worry about people judging our parenting. We worry about our kids being safe, being friendly, and being a kind. We should not have to worry about someone hating us because we brought a pool noodle or because we play with our kiddo in the pool. We should not have to worry about someone thinking negatively about us because one mom wears a two-piece and another does not.

It's articles like this that put women on the defense as soon as they leave the house. Moms are portrayed as some juvenile petty bitches. And I'll be honest here, some of them are, but the majority of them are not. And I can honestly say that I don't judge a single parent at the pool, except when their kid is being an asshole and they aren't doing anything about it. That's about it. But walking into the place weighed down by negativity isn't going to help anyone.

So here's my personal reflection on the stereotypes illustrated in the article -

The Regulars - Unless you are one of them you probably won't know they are regulars. They are a group of parents who already know each other and find comfort in numbers when venturing out in the world. They are probably really nice, but they may not be looking for new friends, so don't be offended about that.

The Nannies - Unless this person has a sign hanging around their neck that says "nanny" you probably won't know. And not all moms look weary either.

The Fun Mom - Uh ok, why is it not okay for me to have fun with my child? If you're not a parent who enjoys being childish with your child then that's fine, but don't be resentful towards other parents for being that way.

The Phone Mom - Well, this mom is probably on her phone because she has social anxieties or is so self-conscious about herself that it's easier just to avoid any potential eye contact. Or she's just not very attentive when in public places. Some people do believe that when there are other adults around they can slack a bit on their monitoring. I am not one of those moms, but some are. Either way, this doesn't necessarily make them a bad person or worthy of negativity. If you don't know their story, don't make assumptions.

The Toddler Plus New Infant Mom - A mom with a toddler and a new baby. Probably super nice, but will be far too distracted paying attention to multiple things to be a good conversationalist. She might also be completely exhausted but is taking her kids to the pool anyway because she knows they will love it. She's putting them first. So don't be so hard on her.

The Perfect Mom - Ok, first of all, there is no perfect mom, there is only the illusion of the perfect mom. And if by perfect mom you mean someone who works out, eats healthy, and tries really hard to look good, why should she be shamed for it? She probably works hard because that is something that makes her feel good and happy in her life and her body. And good for her!! But she's not special. She is no better than any other mom. She's not trying to appear to be better than everyone. She's probably confident enough in herself not to even care what other people are thinking about her. And she shouldn't. In fact, no mom should. No person should. We are all beautiful and unique and that is the best part about being human!

The Mom Looking For A Friend, Any Friend - Aren't we all? Motherhood can be lonely AF. We all need social connections. There's no shame in that.

The Hippie Mom - Again, just a person with their own opinions about life. Why do we need to degrade them for that? She's probably a really loving parent. Those kids are lucky to have someone work that hard to give them health and happiness.

The Grandma - She's there.

The Discipline Mom - I don't know what kind of mom this is because I rarely ever see one. Maybe that's because I'm her? haha It does really annoy me when kids climb up the slide when other kids are wanting to go down. And I'm pretty vocal about my displeasure with the behavior of other children at playgrounds or the pool. But here's the thing, I don't give a f*ck if someone else thinks I am being overprotective or whatever. Because my kid, who's not currently acting like an asshole will be less likely to grow up to be....an asshole. So go on, judge me.

The bottom line is that every mom has a different story, different personality, different way of dealing with social situations among strangers, and are an awesome and unique human being. We are all struggling in one way or another whether it be with our own inner voice or our perception of how others see us. Why do we, as parents, have to put up all these negative defenses? Why can we not just be civilized adults who are kind to others? How about instead of hating the other parents we see around us all the time because they are different than we are, we just be nice? Everyone will be happier for it!

So that's my schpeel for the day. Let's just go out and be kind.