I don't blog because I think people care what my thoughts are. Honestly, I doubt many care at all. I guess it's kind of my way to make my thoughts immortal...to show evidence somewhere out there that I existed.

Last night I had a dream that my cat, Derby, came back. Then he gave birth to a litter of 4 kittens. What was funny is how surprised I was that Derby turned out to be a girl and this whole time I thought he was a boy. Then I decided to keep one of the kittens, just in case I lost Derby again. It was an all white kitty with a cream colored spot on his chest. Then the freaky thing was that two of the kittens decided to commit suicide so they threw their bodies up against the garage and killed themselves. It was so sad. And in my dream I had kids, 2 of them, and then they asked me why the kittens committed suicide and I didn't know what to tell them.

I'm awfully curious about whether someone ever truly "gets over' the loss of someone they love. My grandpa passed away only a little over 3 years ago and still I cry sometimes when I think of him. I still miss him just as much.

I concur...

Why hate? I just don't get it.

Evil makes me so sad. I will never understand how someone could do horrible things to another person or creature. I just won't. It's a horrible, sad, and painful thing to witness atrocious acts done by an individual to another. As a person just hearing of it I feel helpless and broken hearted. How can we allow these things to happen? And without repercussion for the perpetrators? How can people sleep at night knowing that evil acts are going unpunished? I don't know. I'm very bothered by that.

I found out yesterday that my dad has been in the hospital since Saturday. (The fact that I'm finding out on Monday annoys me, but I guess at least someone told me this time.) He's in the hospital again because of his diabetes. -sigh- He told me that his body was attacking itself. He hadn't been taking his diabetes medicine, hadn't been eating, and had only been drinking booze. So he was extremely dehydrated and malnourished in addition to his blood sugar levels being off the charts.

It breaks my heart to see someone I love in so much distress and I can't do a damn thing about it. I know he's just really broken right now dealing with a divorce (that has been dragging out for years now) after 25 years of marriage, difficulties with employment, and facing the loss of his home. He admitted to me that he just stopped caring. His weight is down to 125lbs! That is unimaginable for me. I called him last night and he sounded pretty weak still. Poor dad. I love him so much. I just don't know if he will take care of himself after this. So that worries me.